Doing You

Phoebe is a first year PPE / Art History and Curatorship student. They say ‘write what you know’, so as an Explorer and Adventurer of all things pertaining to sexuality and a control freak looking to take risks, she’s decided to write this column. She will be discussing Sex from a different angle in each Edition.

There are only three reasons to ever have sex outside, or in a car.

1. You still live with your parents and literally don’t have any other choice.

2. You just can’t wait to get home and actually do it somewhere comfortable.

3. You’re chasing the thrill of getting caught with your pants down.

Considering that ‘sex on campus’ has been done – Edward Bloom beat me to the punch – I’ve compiled a collection of places and stories of outdoor sex around Canberra.

Remember, sex in your car or in public is not technically illegal… unless you’re caught – indecent exposure and offensive behaviour are illegal, so be discreet.

If you’re chasing that thrill and enjoy a side of irony with your orgasm, then outside Parliament House is the spot for you. James, a road head enthusiast, told me that, “One time Tony Abbot walked past. He didn’t see us, but knowing we were in his conservative Christian presence only made it hotter… just remember to keep your head down when the AFP roll past.”

The High Court is another of James’ hot head spots. Ironic again that he should celebrate gay sex at the very place where ACT’s short-lived marriage equality dream came crashing down. James ran me through the details, saying, “One time we were in the back of the car and this other car pulled up behind us with its headlights on. We finished. But when we drove away they followed us so we hid in this alley until they passed. I think it was security or something.” Scary. He also recounted, “Once I was giving road head and I didn’t feel like swallowing, so I spat it out the window. It splattered on the rear window.” Yeah… perhaps, James isn’t the best role model when it comes to public sex.

If you’re a little shy to test the waters at a unique location, about halfway up the road to Black Mountain lies the graveyard of a cubicle block where you’re sure not to be the only rocking car. There are also the alleys between the Sydney and Melbourne buildings – located near Mr. Wolf and Moose, for your convenience.

But perhaps that’s a little too trashy for you (there’s literally trash everywhere in those lanes). Or maybe you just can’t wait to get home to consummate your love, with that stranger who – surprise – is in your Monday morning tute. In that case, Uni Ave offers some prime real estate for getting filthy on your stumble home.

Now, if you’re after a fuck with a view, I recommend the sculpture garden at the NGA, it’s got some great bushy hiding places, or if you’re after some space to roll around, I’ve heard it goes down on the grassy hill at Regatta Point.

Really anywhere at the right time of night can be the setting of your next sexcapade, and in the Secret City, you’re sure to find a little irony with your orgasm.