Dear ANU,

I normally begin my emails with a note saying that I have CC’d Father into our correspondence, and that all future emails will be monitored for any personal threats or defamatory statements which may form the basis for actionable litigation. However, Papa is currently in Macau on a business trip, and as such will be far too busy to review the entirety of this (sure to be lengthy) email chain.

I hope you can forgive what might be considered the blatant naivety of a first year law student, but I am certain that, in this country, we have a constitutional right to engage in free market economics, no? As such, it’s rather ironic that on ANU’s (supposed) ‘market day’ I was unable to tap-and-go my membership for ANU Snowsports. I wonder if you would have so wantonly denied my attempts at joining if you knew about my family’s private lodge – the Ramsay Centre for Anglo-Saxon Physical Activities.

It doesn’t take a second semester law student to spot the issue of your ANU Snowsports stall refusing to accept valid and legal tender in the form of an AMEX (if you earn less than $200K a year, you might know it as American Express) triple-double Black Diamond express card.

The credit limit on this card is close to $100K for a single transaction. As such, I am very curious as to why they so rudely refused my Father’s hard-earned money.

Might this fall into what we in the pre-legal profession call ‘reverse discrimination’?

I look forward to Father taking you for all you’re worth, you upper-middle income slime. By the way, I didn’t even have to type this email. I got my Tuckwell-mandated Personal Assistant to type it out. Eat shit.

Will