After a long, girthy and hard semester of experimentation and research, the eager and easily excitable team at Woroni is coming to you with the findings of the most ambitious initiative of student journalism in human history. We met the ANU student body on our hands and knees, begging for them to allow our survey to penetrate the campus. They accepted our sexual inquisition with open hearts and mouths and explorative fingers and toes.
Five hundred of you dirty little freaks got vulnerable with us and answered the survey. Having processed all your loads (aka responses), we come to you now, months later, anticipating the birth of the single most important fact about our cohort:
ANU’s favourite sex position is Doggy…. woof 😉
26.4 percent of respondents listed doggy style (inclusive of variations) as their naughty time fave. Missionary (inclusive of variations) took the silver strap-on with 23.4 percent of votes. The third, or the unicorn to the formers, is cowgirl/boy/person (inclusive of variations), having earned a respectable 18.8 percent of the loads submitted.
The majority of the depraved individuals who took place in this intellectual orgy hail from off-campus origins (45.6 percent). The libertines of UniLodge came next, representing 13.5 percent of the total pervert pool. Finally Burton & Garran was the nexxxt most eager participant – contributing 9.7 percent of the fluids shared.
The naughty little freaks came from all year groups, but second years were the most vocal in their thrusts into the research yoni (32.7 percent). Then followed an even squirt across third years, first years and fourth years with 17.1 percent, 16.7 percent and 14.9 percent survey fingerings respectively.
That concludes the most significant research initiative of our time. The questions we had going into this survey were provocative and arousing. Some cavity within the Woroni team was thoroughly filled by this survey and we would like to thank the ANU student body for their helpful participation in such a satisfying climax. ANU students are generous lovers and data-sharers. Shall we share a cigarette and reflect on the good bits now?
We acknowledge the Ngunnawal and Ngambri people, who are the Traditional Custodians of the land on which Woroni, Woroni Radio and Woroni TV are created, edited, published, printed and distributed. We pay our respects to Elders past and present. We acknowledge that the name Woroni was taken from the Wadi Wadi Nation without permission, and we are striving to do better for future reconciliation.